It's all scratch-and-tell. I am a bit nervous as I have few stories to recount. I lack the comic punch of Vibhor and the infallible memory of Abhipreet. The ones where I would have spilled almost an entire novel were usurped by them. Prerogatives are snatched at times, you know. So I sat down and racked up all that I could.
Current Hideout: Only God knows.
Activities: Might be smearing heaven's floor with his spunk. Or cooling his groins under a fan. Who knows?
Nicknames: One too many. But Kachha stands out.
My goat is roaming escort-free in some district of Uttar Pradesh. He is a medico but was not meant to be. At least I would have liked to see him as a jester. Would have been a welcome break from all that humor shit the TV guys keep throwing at us. Writing about him (after SG's lore has already been sung ) makes good sense. Again a curious case of veggie-outside-demon-inside. He ate as if he was having his last supper. Looked nervous, too concentrated and his hand-on-his-forehead simply accentuated my belief everyday. His plate had a fixture of a typical glutton. A mountain of rice, cuppas of dal and sabzi... He ate a lot really.
Was the great bowler who never made it. Not quite. Those of you who are unaware of the entire story, I will shed some light as to what circumvented his bowling career. The scene is impossible to fathom in words but still picture it. Situation was tense and the match was down to the last over. The batting team needed 7 runs of the last over and Vivek( and me) were at the crease! Prior to this , Keshav had been the pick of the bowlers. Everything about him was perfect that day. Was measly and he was bowling with his life. Was quite atypical of Kachha but something had triggered the furnace in him that day. May be the presence of Lord Thakur himself was egging him on to perform. Naturally, he was given the last over so that he could master the seemingly-devilish Vivek who kept charging forward but to no effect. 5 balls were bowled in a jiffy. Every delivery swished past the bat and looking teasingly at Vivek. The match was poised to end in a certain win for Keshav's team before fate stepped in to add spice and screw things for Kachha. Last ball of his was adjudged a "no-ball". Last ball-six runs-- almost a scene out of Lagaan. The only difference being that the touch of sheer impossibility was amiss from the film. And this was real drama unfurling before our eyes. Keshav puffed and fired in his last delivery. Thakur swirled his bat with his eyes closed as usual. Somehow connected by fluke and a sweet sound took the ball over the rope. This belter of a match killed whatever faith we had in his bowling capabilities.
Keshav was called "Jharu" not for his sweeping abilities. For the uninitiated, legendary masturbaters of Vidyapith have adorned that name. Not that others didn't do it. What differentiates us, lesser mortals, is the mere frequency and perhaps the finesse with which they might have done it. After such strenuos activity, Keshav took to bed early. Pulled his blanket and dreamed his dirty dreams all through the night. But Prashant, prankster that he is, used to spank him every now and then and act as if Keshav was being fouled in some imaginary football match. It was a make-believe which most of us would have liked to bypass as some kicks you received while playing a rough game of soccer. Keshav also thought that way. For some nights but the dream kept recurring. Every night he was tortured at Prashant's hands and everything was made up as if nothing had happened. Keshav decided to get to the end of the rope. One day, he just pretended as if he was sleeping. Prashant , carefree masqueraded in his usual way but Keshav caught him fooling around. Couldn't contain himself and launched himself on Prashant. Anyone who knows Prashant would swear by it that this is not something you do even in your football dreams. It is a blunder and Prashant kept staring and intimadating him for a day or two before Keshav sheepishly prayed, " BHAI, AB SACHH MAIN DARR LAG RAHA HAI".
Once some of us pried up his belongings and the findings were startling. 30-40 pens no less were found. Some belonged to us and some really glorious ones were hijacked straight out of Mohan Da's kitty. I even found my thin vacation-task copy( of class six) in his priceless collection:P
The mascot who entralled us with his antics. Whose beaten-black n blue- stories (second only to mine) made us laugh. Who got embroiled in the web of medical bullshit and is missing. Find him, people.
* Rest of his glory would be dissected by the readers. I have depleted my stock of medicines now.
5 comments:
Whenever you talk of Keshav, you always remember S Jha (yeah, the yoga waalah psycho). That he was almost murdered notwithstanding, I sincerely believe that there was something wrong with Keshav. Come to think of it, SG, Prashant, almost everyone just wanted to haul him up at his very sight, and Jha was a much greater lunatic.
2 dialogues of Jha regarding Keshav's beating keep reverbating. The first one was a simple case study-like inference, "If not you, not you, not you, THEN YOU!!" as all of us in the annex simply refused to accept that we were howling around.
The other one is a classic example of knowing exactly how helpless and weak the person before you is, and an accurate manifestation of the feelings when you set out to take advantage of the same, as Jha exclaimed before starting the fireworks, "Start crying!!" That Keshav reciprocated with his ingenious dog-like howling is perhaps the reason these words are so remembered.
@Parivesh, thanks for complimenting my memory, but you do know that your command over English is what we always have craved for, I sincerely believe that I haven't read better passages than yours, Kunjan might come close and so may Pranav, but the three of you are class apart when it comes to playing with words.
Btw, Keshav on Orkut
About me: What to say of myself?I AM A SIMPLE MAN WITH SIMPLE TASTES.I am what I seem to be.AND THAT'S THE REASON WHY I AM SO COOL.
(Please note that the uppercase characters have been used by Keshav himself, whenever he felt it appropriate to highlight the more important traits. Thanks, I did not need to search for material this time around!!)
I remember everything vividly. Three reasons would suffice:
a) I myself was at my boisterous best. Next in queue and my voice was overriding everything down there. It just so happened that I escaped unscathed(perhaps for the first time in my life) and Keshav earned the cane.
b)I also, on some occasions have employed that hyena-howling to evade my assailants. But to no effect:P
c) I have unfinished business with S Jha. He clubbed me for asking a questions....Jesus!!
.... Thanks Abhipreet. Certainly tosses me on cloud nine. But then words have always been rendered useless , when you have needed them the most. I hope that you would feel the thank-you vibe, sitting in your cabin. There ain't any words that can convey these little sighs of thanks and appreciation.
Let's get down to mud-slinging. Which we do best anyway. We should extol each other while in company:P
i m junior to keshav da in gsvm medical college,kanpur...he takes good care of me as i m only junior 4m rkm there...& top of dat i alwaz ask 4 treat 4m him & chahte na chahte hue bhi unhe dena padta hai..its sort of trend in our college b/w senior & junior...in short,i hv robbed his money many times...
ab8 him,he is geni at studies no,doubt in dis...
we often spend times 2gether remembering d vague memories of vidyapith..its his last yr in college..hope he get his post graduation soon...
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